i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
