ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
where does the pee come out of this thing
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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