Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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