I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
