How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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