i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
