then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
