you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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