LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
