Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Green mimosas i think yes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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