I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
