I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
