For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
