Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
