I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
