You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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