Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
