What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The ass gains better be worth it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
