i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
