Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
