She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
