so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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