then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
