You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
