she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
