Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
