CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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