mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
