as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
