Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
