Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
