I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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