i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
