I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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