My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
