Swine flu. Run for my life!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
