I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The convent might be a nice break from real life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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