Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
