Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
