why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
