Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize