I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
