sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
