I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
