I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
