I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
