Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
