Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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