Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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