He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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