omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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