She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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