Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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