y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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