I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
