I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
