did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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