My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
