im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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