just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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