yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
