So drunk its hurt
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
