Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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