remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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