chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
