You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
