Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
