We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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