you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
