It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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