do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
