Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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