In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
