I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
