She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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