I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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