I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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