If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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