you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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